The Power of Four

2020

The number four is scared in many native cultures and we find it everywhere in nature. Our human form comprises four limbs and four domains: spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional. Box breathing, also known as four-square breathing, involves exhaling to a count of four, holding your lungs empty for a four-count, inhaling at the same pace, and holding air in your lungs for a count of four before exhaling and beginning the pattern anew. It’s the breathing that special forces employ when they go into combat; it’s the breathing I do on planes; it’s the lungs way of keeping us regulated and alive. Nature gives us the four seasons, the four compass directions, the four elements of fire, earth, water, and wind. We have four quarters in a year. The cornerstones of four are easy to manage, we can remember four things.

With our mishmash Covid brains on overload it’s often a challenge to feel these pandemic days are rewarding. Our brains are on overdrive rapidly burning glucose as we calibrate, and then recalibrate, every single thought, in each moment. When I slip into magical-thinking (‘Let’s eat out tonight!’) and do or say crazy things, I know I’m in numb mode and need to eat. Again. A pandemic literally makes us hungrier. We are pooped for a reason. The stretch marks on my butt and my brain are starting to show, so I am invoking the power of four. While this is no time to overperform, I do ask myself to incorporate four things into each day to keep me sane: enrichment, nature, self-care, and acts of kindness. To be accountable, I make myself write my plan down in my diary, and at the end of the day I feel a frisson of satisfaction and something that feels like hope. These are the cornerstones that just might get me through Covid.

Sometimes I feel fragile and struggle to find my true stride. I’m a doer yet I cannot seem to meet simple goals like exercising in my home gym, drinking enough water, staying connected with my people. I’m using the power of four to help generate a bit of motivation: I make a diary date to exercise, but the deal is that I only have to show up for four minutes. If, after four minutes I want to stop, then I am free to move on. Four ounces of water. Four quick texts or calls a day. It’s working; once I’ve started these tasks I rarely stop. But I always forgive myself if I slack off— that’s fine, too.

Forgiveness for myself and for others is my 2021 theme and that means my old pal— grudge holding—and I are breaking up. The power of four is helping me to make this change. Holding grudges was my way of staying safe and feeling right. There’s nothing like a strong shot of indignation to feed the fires of self-righteousness (and haven’t we had our opportunities with Covid!) Problem is, that kind of energy grows like a cancer inside our cells, blocking the energy flow of goodness—how much stale energy and anger can we carry until all the exits are blocked?  

I recently learned an astonishing thing that has helped me to manage better during these strange times : if I can acknowledge that I have contributed even 1% to a situation that feels awkward or is beginning to turn difficult, then that presents an opportunity for me to take responsibility for my part of it, and I am able to apologize. I know! This doesn’t sound like me AT ALL, lol, but it’s a true and simple thing. My soul daughter gave me the most intriguing little book: Ho`oponopono by Ulrich E. Duprée (yup, say it just like it reads, it’s fun). This is the Hawaiian ancient forgiveness ritual that has—you guessed it—four elements:

1.   ‘I’m sorry.’

2.   ‘Please forgive me. ‘

3.   ‘Thank you. ‘

4.   ‘I love you.’

It’s elegant, it’s easy to remember, and it works. If someone as stubborn as I am can benefit from this, anyone can.

Just like The Four Agreements and the four pillars of health (relax, eat, move, sleep) Ho`oponopono conveys ancient wisdom through a simplicity that is wonderfully contagious to my Higher Self and my family consciousness. It does not make me weak or wrong; in fact, it takes a mature, grounded person to read a situation and offer an apology. Making amends—in person, or just in my heart— helps me to grow in my vulnerability and loving connections while building trust with others.

Ho`oponopono does not care how it is transmitted, only that the energy be permitted to flow. It’s a mediation, a prayer, or a conversation. It can stop a misunderstanding in its tracks. A natural circuit-breaker, it gives people a calm, safe place to share their point of view—and it is cleansing and generous to both parties. This is how my husband and I say good night. The more I practice Ho`oponopono, the more I want to do it. It is wholehearted spirit energy helping me to navigate my way through these challenging days with a bit more grace and humanity.

I’d love to hear from you—feel free to send your comments to me!