‘We have to face the pain we have been running from; in fact, we need to learn to rest in it and let its searing power transform us.’ - Charlotte Jo Beck

2020 

Right now, the universe is sending us a red-alert warning via the COVID-19 virus, and we are experiencing a deep collective trauma. Within the parameters and demands of this unique disease, we are living a spiritual dress rehearsal for bigger challenges to come: the human-made disasters of climate change and nuclear holocaust.

The question must become ‘What do we value and how do we respond as a global community to reflect this?’

Closer to home, the questions of how we care for ourselves and for each other are being echoed into our collective consciousness:

·      Why do we lack universal medical coverage?

·      Why don’t we have a comprehensive child care infrastructure?

·      Why is food and shelter security just for some and not for all?

·      Why do so few get so much when we all need the same basics to survive and thrive as human beings?

Personally, I don’t think we have been living our core values as a culture, or as global citizens: so much feels strangled right now, from Congress to our climate. Collectively and individually we are being given this time to reflect, refresh, and reignite our true soul’s purpose on this earth: how to live at our highest good.

Experiencing this kind of collective trauma is a unique experience for all of us. What was once theoretical ‘catastrophic thinking’ has become our new normal: shift happens, and it happens blindingly fast. This is level-1 trauma folks, and we need to name it, own it, and use its searing transformative power to create the change we want to see in this beautiful world of ours.

At some point we’ve all appreciated the quote attributed to Mahatma Gandhi: ‘Be the change you wish to see in the world.’ That’s the bumper sticker version. What he actually said (with gender modifications) was:

“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a person changes their own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards them. ... We need not wait to see what others do.”

If Gandhi could go up against the Brits sitting alone in a prison cell, just think of what we can do collectively in this moment of vulnerability and opportunity. Right now, we treasure our strong, free minds and voices. But the dramatic shifts we are seeing, on an hourly basis, could easily lead to restricted governance under our current administration like we have never experienced before in American life. We need to be the change we wish to see in our new world order.

Today, as we shelter in place with our umpteenth cup of coffee, a good place to begin is from within. The hardest stretch of time we have ever lived through together seems like the perfect time for a personal tour of introspection—an audit of what we truly value. It’s something we can DO, while we wait.

Every day that we honor our true values, by fully embracing them, we play our part in the collective experience, adding or detracting from the sum of community goodness with each choice.

So many of us operate with a set of ‘assumed values’—beliefs that we have been conditioned to embrace from our first families and our culture. It’s like letting someone else order for you at a restaurant. The choices might be decent, but do they truly deliver the satisfaction you hunger for? Can you name your core values? Do you know why you permit them to pilot your personal navigation system? Intuitively, we all know what we value, but have you ever actually written your core values down?

Something that has grounded me over many decades is to check in regularly with my core value system—this practice  ensures that I am in deep, regular alignment with what I say I believe in. It’s a tool I practice and use to calibrate my goals and dreams. I use it to make hundreds of micro-decisions that keep me on track with my desires. This tool is something I developed for my business clients, way back when my work as a consultant consistently found me addressing the topic of momentum. If we wonder why we lack momentum or clarity in our day to day lives, or why making decisions feels excruciating or random, it’s because this vital step of articulating our core values has been overlooked.

If being more practiced at making consistently good decisions sounds intriguing, this shift can be accomplished by creating a core values filter through which all decisions pass muster each and every time a choice is present. This filter is like an automatic vetting system for your three brains: head, heart and gut. It ensures that we are presented with only refined options.

 How is the core values filter created? By opening our personal Values Vault and declaring what it is that we truly value. (And I don’t mean your Big Bertha golf club.) I’m talking about global, non-negotiable values that reflect personal truth. Here’s a list of values in a PDF format to print and try on; the list is by no means complete—add your own. For me, my Values Vault contains a composite of six core values that all of my decisions must honor:

·      Wellness

·      Vital relationships

·      Integrity

·      Enrichment

·      Freedom

·      Prosperity

Within these core value themes are actually many more complementary value items from the list that I want included and reflected in the composites of my six headers. My headers and their composites will not mean the same things to you as they do to me. For example, for many people ‘Family’ will be a core value. For me, that’s too restrictive and too loaded, so I call the composite of all my important relationships ‘Vital Relationships’, and that feels just right. While we all share some common values, every individual’s composites are a custom list of their unique values.

Every time I have to make a decision, little or large—bike ride? business decision?—I pop it through my core value filter like this: ‘Does this choice honor my core values of wellness, vital relationships, integrity, enrichment, freedom and prosperity?’ If I get six yes votes, it’s a ‘hell, ya’ decision—the best kind. If I compromise and go with 5 yes votes I’ll still be okay, but I may feel repercussion or remorse at some point. If I compromise on 2 of my values this a guaranteed poor decision, and it will come back to bite me. If it is within my power, in any possible way, I will decline it. Anything that scores 3 or below is simply not up for discussion, a solid ‘No thank you.’

Naturally there are times when control over our choices is simply out of our hands—like right now. What’s beautiful about this tool is that it works like a bank vault. The more you practice living your authentic values, the more emotional micro-deposits you make towards your spiritual highest good, and the richer your grounding and resilience becomes. Storing these energetic reserves in your emotional vault allows you to draw on them in times of need. Like a giant oak tree you can sway in a storm—the grounding is deep and you are fully rooted.

I will guide you through a shorter version from the process I once conducted with my clients. While it won’t be quite as thorough, it’s a great place to start—getting curious about what’s in your personal Values Vault.

Before we begin, one thing to keep in mind is this quote from Matthieu Richard. Try not to judge yourself for your desires; the idea is to align with what is genuinely true about YOU, not what others think you should be like or value. Naturally, many of our values are universal, but so many are also unique. Try to resist conforming to ‘should like’ and be motivated by ‘would like.’ Today’s giant oak is just yesterday’s nut that stood its ground. It’s okay to confess to taking pleasure in the full powers of your personality and spirit—so go for it!

 ‘The basis of ethics/values is extremely simple: nothing is intrinsically good or evil, good and evil exist only in terms of the happiness or suffering they create in ourselves and in others.’ —Ethics Philosopher Matthieu Ricard

We create our own suffering within our state of mind. By compromising the deep desires hidden within our three brains, we compound our suffering exponentially, especially right now. I invite you to savor some of these generous stretches of quiet to sit with this question of values; to create some positive intentions for yourself around it that will outlast this sheltering and contribute to some wholehearted shifting.

I think you’d be amazed by the power that is generated when we take the time to articulate our true desires through the written word. It is transformative to identify what makes us feel authentic. When we continuously practice this goodness, it elevates the energy of everyone around us.

I’ve learned to create healthy boundaries, refine relationships, and confidently say ‘No’ using my core values filter. It takes the guesswork out of second guessing myself. It keeps me true to what I need and want for myself. What starts out as being about boundaries, evolves to being about integrity, and that is a supreme core value. For me, integrity is the fruit of being fully grounded in myself. Doing this work grows deep confidence and conviction; this is where the personal integrity and inspiration that can create universal change thrives. With enough practice, decision-making skills become lighting fast and are guaranteed to be in alignment with declared desires. Happily, this energy is wonderfully contagious—others sense and are attracted to the quality of this clear and powerful momentum.

The Values Vault Method

Our life priorities are revealed to us by our actions. Beliefs are assumptions that we make about the world and values stem from our beliefs. If we want to know our beliefs and values, we have only to look at our lives and patterns of behavior. Our choices demonstrate for us what we believe we value most. Below are 200+ common life priorities (please add to the list) to get things rolling. Print this PDF for a worksheet.

 Method:

1.   Alongside each value assign a number 1-10, with 1 being low priority, and 10 being highest priority.

 2.   Now cross out all the items rated in the 1-3 range.

 3.   Draw five or six generous circles on a large sheet of paper. (If you have a big sheet of butcher paper use that.) Start clustering the remaining values by theme or redundancy. For example, you might find Wellness, Fitness, Adventure, Physical Activity, Health, Motivation, and Pleasure fit thematically in one circle. Clearly this value is trending towards some kind of a “Wellness” core value, but you get to choose the header that resonates the most with you.

 4.   Assign each value to the circle that feels right. Don’t worry if you cannot name the theme yet, just keep clustering and refining. Don’t overthink the process too much, you already have the answers inside of you, this is simply about articulating them.

 5.   You can always add circles or leave items out on a side list if they are not resonating strongly. This is a messy process and I invite you to take breaks over time and to keep refining the items in your circles until the main core value theme comes into focus for you. You get to name it and you know, intuitively, what that core value represents for you.

 6.   Revisit this process on a regular basis until your Values Vault is solid. Practice using your core values filter when making decisions and it will grow more refined and reliable with each attempt.

I’d love to hear from you—feel free to send your comments to me!